Eulogy's

Bob's Eulogy for Kathie:

Kathie was “the best thing that ever happened to me”. I told her this many times over our 39-1/2 years of married life together. I always toasted Kathie with these words on our anniversary.

She was a friend, lover, advisor, artist, designer, dedicated wife, mother and playful grandmother.

She was a strong believer that the gift of life was priceless and defended that gift from its earliest stage to the latest. Those who knew her knew that she was a “strong willed woman” and she often showed it in support of others:

-An advocate extradonaire for the Right to Life

-A help to pregnant mothers who needed it – no matter race, creed or economic status

-no matter the time of day or night

-A support to those babies after birth through Matrix Life Line

-A loving godmother to a Down’s Syndrome child of friends

-A helping hand that arranged assistance for the aged widow or widower through St Lawrence friends and neighbors group.

-A house designer who used her skills to assist Habitat for Humanity

-One of the leaders of funeral lunch groups who served the grieving of St Lawrence parish

-A friend who “adopted” a widow and helped with many issues until her death

-A person who was concerned with others needs much more than her own

Kathie was “the best thing that ever happened to me” and to many others

She was a dedicated mother who would stay up all night with our children to finish a project and “do it right”. Many times, I didn’t witness this personally as I traveled on business. However, I have heard numerous additional examples from my children in the past few weeks as we gathered around to share Kathie’s last days. She could never say no to one of their pleas for help – even into college.

She was “the best thing that ever happened to me”

Kathie supported me throughout my life and career. When we had a 1-1/2 year old son and she was near a birth date for our 1^st daughter, I asked her if she would like to move to Europe shortly after the birth. She said “why not”. So five weeks after the birth of our daughter, we left for France and she spent a year doing pantomime with French pediatricians and “fractured” the French language at every turn.

She was “the best thing that ever happened to me”

She loved to travel and gathered new friends on a daily basis. She maintained those friendships over years and many moves to different places. I often said that she couldn’t walk 50 ft without meeting a new “best friend”. She had friends of a few weeks and of 54 years duration. She was fearless in trying new things, whether it was a drive to friends a state away during a snow storm or a trip to Italy by herself for the wedding of the son of a close friend, when I couldn’t join her.

She was a very intelligent person who loved a good game of chess or bridge and enjoyed doing Suduko as “relaxation”. She enjoyed challenges to the mind. She went back to school between children and studied so she could be a house designer.

She designed and managed the building of our retirement home in NC. On one day, a member of the construction crew said that there was nothing scarier than a woman with a tape measure who knew what she was talking about. She finished the house despite the fact that she was undergoing chemotherapy for the last 8 months of the project. She did this despite the need to travel often to Houston for treatment follow ups and 10 hour drives from Lafayette to NC.

She was the “best thing that ever happened to me”.

In her last days, we discussed how she would be leaving behind as a testimony to the value of her life: 4 children each full of integrity and love for their fellow man, who are passing these lessons on to their children. You could see her lessons acted out in the last few weeks of her life, as her children cared tenderly for her in her time of need. No better legacy than these children, could there be from a life of helping others. She was a woman who lived her life well and fully and who loved every moment of it to the end.

She was the “best thing that ever happened to me”

On a more personal note, being without Kathie will be like being without oxygen for me. We have known each other since we were sixteen years old. I was a “child groom” when at 20 years of age, I married the “older woman”-she was 21. In the most recent years, after the children had all left our home, we spent much more time together as she was able to travel with me at times. While I worked, she helped whatever local economy we were at thrive – especially the shoe stores.

We had looked forward to many more years together seeing the grandchildren grow and enjoying this experience that she so loved in the house that she designed. That is not to be for her. In a way, we were lucky in that we had 10 months from the shock of her diagnosis until she died, to say all the things to each other that we all sometimes forget to say during the rush of our daily lives. As I said to Father Dan, I know she is in heaven praying for us because if she isn’t there, then there is no hope for the rest of us. God bless and keep you in his bosom Kathie. I always have and always will love you.

You were “the best thing that ever happened to me”

The Kids Eulogy for Kathie: (**Eddie changed some of this before reading it, but this is the gist.)

Kathie entered motherhood in 1972 and life would never be the same.

Eddie seemed such a pleasant baby so docile and tame.

Kathie and Bob thought this was easy and wanted another bundle of joy.

Bob crossed his fingers and hoped for another boy.

1974 brought Lynette who needed assurance

To continue with their big family, they now had deterrence.

Kathie was ready to show the world that she had guts.

But taking 2 babies to France may have just been nuts.

But Kathie proved all nay-sayers wrong.

She showed she had the will of the strong.

After a few more years of “organized” chaos under her belt,

Every time she saw a newborn, her heart began to melt.

By that time, it didn’t take too much insistin

And pretty soon after, along came Christen.

Though they had set their limit at 3,

God had other plans that they would soon see.

Lauren proved to be a delightful surprise,

And now their family was to six in size.

Now with four kids, Kathie did what it took to be a good mom,

Whether it meant driving carpool in slippers or making dresses for prom.

Although Mary Kathleen Bryant was the name given at birth

She responded to many other names while here on this earth:

Mom, madre, and mama looch all rung a bell,

Where they originated no one could tell.

Kathie held too many roles to name in her life,

Be it doctor, cook, therapist, nurse or wife.

We remember the mom who got us all through school:

Was actually doing our projects against the rule?

Who could forget those ridiculously bad, yet well placed puns?

You know those that made you laugh and cringe, those were the ones!

She would look at you with a twinkle in her eye that grabbed your attention,

Then she would tell you, “I have the greatest idea, a new invention.”

Sure, most of them had already been created,

But she would still get so excited, so elated.

Her love of popcorn was more than famous,

And her outfits sometimes a little outrageous.

Ballet, soccer, speech, and basketball,

She frequently attended or coached them all.

Sewing, editing, painting, and drawing too

It seemed that there was nothing this woman couldn’t do

Mom always adopted all of our friends,

And sped along the process in making amends.

She was so loving, helpful, caring and fun.

All the good she started is not yet close to done.

In us she planted a seed of compassion,

Leaving four of us to continue her action.

To say she was supportive is greatly understated

There were so many people for which she advocated.

Though our time with her was abbreviated,

Our memories of her will never be faded.

You will be missed, mom. We love you.

Posted by Lauren

A beautiful service

We'd just like to say thank you to all of those who attended the visitation and/or funeral and to those who were there in spirit. It was a beautiful tribute to Kathie to have so many friends and members of the families there.

We chose readers and such when we were in Indiana, so we weren't able to put together that program... We'd like to thank Kathie's sisters, Eileen and Carole who did the first and second readings respectively and Bob's sister, Janet, who read the petitions. One of Kathie's speech team members, Lisa, acted as the cantor. Brian and Annie were the other two singers for the recessional song, Blessing. All three were in choir with Lauren at CC, and Brian also did speech with Kathie. The gifts were brought up by Kathie's best friend (since she was 10), Cathy and her husband, Danny.

The priest, Fr. Lehnerd, that married Bob and Kathie assisted with the Mass, but Fr. Dan Gartland was the primary officiant.

The eulogy written by Bob was read by his older brother, Richard, and the one written for all the kids was read by Eddie. Those will be posted when we can get the changes typed in.

After the funeral Mass, there was a beautiful luncheon put on by some wonderful women at St. Lawrence. Thank you for all those that attended.

Bob and the kids have received so much support from all of you - through prayers, cards, phone calls, beautiful flower arrangements, and attendance at the visitation and the funeral - thank you for all of it.

On Saturday, there will be a burial service for Kathie in North Carolina at Forest Hills Memorial Park. There will be visitation from 10-11 and a graveside service at 11 AM.

Posted by Lauren

Luncheon

Just wanted to let everyone know that there will be a luncheon at the church following the noon funeral on Wednesday.


We hope everyone who is traveling has a safe trip!

Posted by Lauren

Back home in Indiana

We can’t thank all of you enough for joining us on this difficult journey. We have felt blessed to have you share Kathie’s life with us.

Preparations were made to travel across the country, back to Indiana to follow Kathie’s wishes to have the funeral in Lafayette. Of course, she was worried about all of us – figuring that Bob and her children would have the greatest amount of support there – and that it was more accessible for her friends that would like to say their goodbyes.

Please do not feel obligated to come for us – we realize it is a great expense to travel across the country on a moment’s notice. Lauren had to use some serious persuasion to get from Indiana back to North Carolina Saturday morning, feeling that she would prefer to be with her family. Lynette also fought for a reasonable ticket exchange to just fly directly into Indiana rather than going to NC first.

Kathie’s passing was, as Bob mentioned, peaceful. Eddie was sitting with her, when he noticed a slight breathing change. Less than a half hour later, she took her last breath. Bob and Eddie were in the room when she passed. We are all so grateful that she has found her place with God, no longer in pain and struggling to catch her breath. Though it felt like a privilege to care for the woman who cared so long for all of us, it was a relief that she was not really suffering for a long time. Kathie always worried that she would someday lose some of her mental capacities, as her mother had. We know that she would not have liked to carry on in the state she was in for a long time.

Our hospice nurse, Tammy, was already scheduled to come that day. Tammy showed up less than 10 minutes after Eddie and Bob said goodbye. She confirmed what they already knew. Again, the family was grateful they had decided to participate in Hospice. Due to Hospice rules, Tammy took care of all of the medications that were in the home before she left – not leaving the family to figure out how to dispose of it – keeping Hospice out of liability and keeping us out of danger of having to figure out how to legally dispose of them. The funeral home was called to get her.

We’re hoping Kathie doesn’t pull an April Fool’s joke, and that she shows up for her viewing on Tuesday. Bob, Eddie, Christen and Lauren left NC for Indiana on Monday and a friend of Eddie’s will keep house while they are gone (it’s a tough job to look over the lake for a few days!). Lynette and the girls are flew into Indy and stayed with Melissa’s family until the rest of the family arrived Monday evening. Tuesday evening there will be a viewing and then possibly a margarita toast ;)

The days leading up to the family drive were spent laughing over old memories and stories of Kathie and time spent together as a family. Though tears have and will be shed, and will be at times during the months and years ahead – it has been better to reminisce of all the good times we’ve had together.

Posted by Lauren

A Toast to Kathie

If you would like to share a memory or story about Kathie please fill out the form posted on the link (or from the e-mail some of you received):

http://ilocker.bsu.edu/users/laducharme/World_SHARED/

You can download it from that site and then fill it out and e-mail it to Lauren at skyredlarch@gmail.com or Eddie at edducharme@nc.rr.com

We'll print them and put them into a book for viewing at the wake.

If you know someone who doesn't read the blog, but would probably like to contribute to this, please download it and send it, print it or send them the link.

Obituary

This is what will be published in the Lafayette paper on Monday:

M Kathleen (Bryant) DuCharme, 60

M Kathleen (Bryant) DuCharme, 60, of Lexington, North Carolina, died at 2:50 pm, March 28, 2008 in her residence surrounded by the love of her close friends and family.

Born May 11, 1947 in Youngstown,Ohio. She graduated from Cardinal Mooney High School in 1965 before attending St Elizabeth’s School of Nursing in Youngstown, Ohio.

She married Robert Thomas DuCharme on August 3, 1968 in Youngstown, OH and he survives.

After moving to Ann Arbor, Michigan, she worked as bank teller and assistant manager there and later in Plymouth, Michigan. In 1973, she moved to South Bend,Indiana. In 1974 and 1975, she lived in Paris, France before moving back to South Bend, Indiana. She was active in Christ the King Catholic Church and school for many years. In 1990, she moved to Lenexa, Kansas. She was active in St. Thomas Aquinas High School and Holy Trinity Catholic church. In 1998, she moved to Lafayette, Indiana, where she remained until moving to North Carolina in February, 2008. In Lafayette, she was active in the St. Lawrence Church community as well as Central Catholic high school.

Kathie was also active in many volunteer organizations including Right to Life, Matrix Life Line Pregnancy Center, Habitat for Humanity, St. Lawrence Church “Friends and Neighbors” and “Funeral luncheon” groups, Central Catholic Speech team, Central Catholic drama presentations and Central Catholic fundraisers. She was a member of St Lawrence Catholic Church in Lafayette for 10 years.

Through her personal relationships, Kathie touched the lives of many people in many cities, both in the US and around the world. She made friends and worked for those needing help wherever she lived, especially those whose dignity of life needed defense. She continued many of these friendships throughout her lifetime. She was an avid artist, house designer and bridge player. Most of all, Kathie was a loving and dedicated wife, mother and grandmother. She will be missed by all who knew her.

Surviving with her husband are a son, Edmund DuCharme (wife Melissa, son Alec, and daughter, Emily) of Apex, North Carolina and three daughters, Lynette Hazuka (Twin daughters Sophie and Kaitlyn) of Overland Park, Kansas, Christen DuCharme of Poipu, Hawaii (Island of Kauai) and Lauren DuCharme who attends Ball State University in

Muncie, Indiana, all of whom she truly loved; her sisters Carole Zurvitz (Husband:Tim and son Joey and daughter Melissa) of Youngstown, Ohio and Eileen Zornjak (Husband Ray and sons Raymond and Peter) of Poland, Ohio; her brother, William Bryant (Wife: Maureen, son John Leo and daughters Sarah and Rebecca) of Forest,Virginia.

Memorials gifts can be given to Right to Life of Tippecanoe County or to Matrix Life Line Pregnancy Center, or to American Cancer Society, or to Hospice of Forsyth Medical Center, NC

Friends and family may honor Kathie at Hippensteel Funeral Home, 822 North 9th Street, Lafayette, Indiana. Visitation will be 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. on Tuesday, April 1, 2008 at the funeral home. A Rosary Service is also planned for Tuesday evening at 7:45 p.m. The funeral mass will be 12:00 p.m. on Wednesday, April 2, 2008 at St. Lawrence Catholic Church, Lafayette, Indiana, with a two hour viewing prior to the mass, from 10:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. We are honored to have Father Dan Gartland, a long time friend of Kathie’s, presiding.

Burial will be at Forest Hill Memorial Park in Lexington, North Carolina. Father Albert Gondek of Our Lady of the Rosary Church will preside at a graveside service on Saturday, April 5, 2008 at 11:00 a.m., with visitation from 10:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. at the cemetery. Hippensteel funeral home is entrusted with care.

Posted by Lauren

Best thing that has ever happened to me!

Hello friends and family.

This a blog from Bob. I know that in itself is a miracle, but Eddie is the one who got this set up and we all know "the blogger" is Lauren.

I wanted to write this brief blog today as today is the day that I lost the "best thing that ever happened to me" . These are the words I said to her many times in the past (and always on our anniversary) and many times these last few weeks that we had together.

Kathie has now passed on to a much better place. Her spirit ascended to heaven at approximately 2:50 PM today as she took her last breath. It was a very peaceful passing, and we know that she is with God feeling immense joy and happiness.

Thanks to all those who supported, aided and helped her in these last months of her life. We are forever grateful to all of you. I am especially grateful to my children who were with her almost constantly these last few week and made her last days fulfilling and as easy on her as possible.

We will send out funeral arrangements when we have them finalized. The funeral mass will be in Lafayette at St Lawrence Church.

Bob

And We Thought It Couldn't Get Worse...

Of course, Kathie's x-ray did not show up until 9 AM (scheduled for 7:30)... oh hospital time - it's not an emergency until it's an emergency. She slept most of the night - only waking here and there. Lauren was super paranoid that she was going to pull at her catheter. Not much more fluid drained overnight. From the time she came back from the procedure until the time they came to do her x-ray, she only had about 1/5 of a liter drain.

She drank some hot chocolate for breakfast - about the time the x-ray should have been there. grrr. Anyway, the x-ray showed no change, the lung had not re-expanded and the fluid was draining so slowly it was clear that it was not going to happen anytime soon. The doctor came in and said that she could be released. It was not until after noon that they were finally ready to give her some morphine for the trip home, take out her IV and cap the catheter. Lauren pulled around the car, and around 1 Kathie finally got downstairs in the wheelchair. Kathie was clearly in some pain and seemed fearful of anyone moving her into the car.

Two valets saw that we were having trouble and offered a "slider" to help get her in. This probably would have been helpful, but in the end, it worked out tragically. We had her half situated on the slider... which is basically a board with a round seat that can slide from one side to the other... so you can stick it under someone sitting in a wheelchair and the board balances between the wheelchair and another seat (in this case, the care front seat). They began to slide her over when she started to yelp in pain... the catheter tube had been caught in the wheelchair - moving her caused it to pull out about 6 inches.

Bob and Lauren's distress was more than a little high, as it was very apparent that something had gone wrong - Kathie was quickly soaked with fluid and was rushed back up to her room. For hours that morning, she had been begging them to get her out of the hospital, and there everyone was, back at square one - except in worse shape. An x-ray was immediately ordered to see where the tube was and wasn't and to determine the next step.

Kathie was offered two choices: 1) remove the tube... period or 2) remove the old tube and put in a new one. The existing tube was off some sort of track, so had to be removed either way. Kathie made it clear she did not want another tube in. Since some fluid had been drained, there was fear that the lung could collapse further, so they wanted her to stay overnight. Again, you can guess how little anyone was interested in that. After some discussion with doctors, including the ones that removed the old tube - it was decided that it was safe enough to take her home, as long as if she started having noticeable breathing changes that she was taken to the nearest hospital to have another tube put in to release some air.

An ambulance took her back to the house around 5. Kathie seems to be very happy to be back at home and Bob is sleeping in her room tonight to make sure she's okay. Everyone was slightly on edge today. It is very tempting to look at hindsight in this matter - but at the end of the day, Kathie wanted to do the procedure, and there was no way to know whether it would work one way or the other. It did not work, maintaining Kathie's poor habit of being in the low percentage of outcomes... but everyone had hope that it would relieve some of the trouble she has had breathing. Unfortunately, that did not happen - and many mishaps happened along the way - but she is back home now, and hopefully has some time left to spend at peace, out of the chaos of the hospital, with her family.

That being said, Lauren is (unhappily) heading back to school for about a week to catch back up on some work and get things organized so she can better work out of North Carolina for whatever time is necessary. Eddie will be coming back to the house tomorrow night and Lynette returns on Saturday. Updates may be a little slow during the transitions, but will be kept up as best as possible.

Bob has extra help with his brother, Richard and his wife, Mary Ann, for a few days.

We've been a little tardy in our thanks to Eddie's work friends again who supplied us with more delicious meals!

Posted by Lauren

A Comedy of Errors - But Not so Funny

This story begins on Easter Sunday. Christen had slept with Kathie Saturday night - Kathie woke up 4 times in the middle of the night, but of course, was sleeping soundly during the morning. Bob and Lauren got her out of bed after they returned from Mass to freshen up the bed and Lauren had her sitting in the wheelchair so she could give her a "bath." Kathie's skin is insanely dry and flaking off, so a nice rub with a washcloth followed by a lotion massage seems to make her feel a bit better. After the cleaning, she laid comfortably until right when everyone (Ed, Melissa, Alec, Emily, Christen, Bob, Lauren and Ben) was ready to sit for an Easter lunch (since Kathie had to leave for the hospital by 3). Bob ate in her room, so she could sit up for a bit. Melissa had prepared a wonderful Easter feast for everyone. Kathie laid back down towards the end of lunch - but only for about an hour nap. When Alec and Emily came in to say good-bye, Kathie opened her eyes and talked to them for a bit - proving once again that you have to be wearing a lab coat or be a grandchild to really get her attention;)

After she woke up to say goodbye, she decided she was ready to get up to leave for the hospital - almost an hour earlier than originally intended. Bob and Lauren finished getting her stuff ready to go and Eddie and Bob got her into the car and set up with her oxygen tank. Kathie travels in style - with an entourage of about 5 pillows and 2 ice packs;) As usual, she pretty much fell instantly back to sleep. She has been much more sleepy these days, and is only opening her eyes for very short amounts of time. Instead of talking, she's mostly been using hand signals - many of them rather humorous and cute. She still talks occasionally, but she is usually trying to save the breath since breathing is still pretty difficult.

Bob, Lauren and Kathie had a relatively uneventful drive to Winston-Salem. When they got to the hospital, admissions seemed very aware that she was coming. However, when they said that they were getting a room ready, Bob and Lauren should have known it was going to be a long day. The nurse who had told them to check in on Sunday said to be to the hospital by 4, they were there at 3:30ish. Kathie didn't have to wait long for a room - ironically the exact same one she was in 2 weeks ago, the hangers they brought were still in the closet. Shortly after getting Kathie settled in her bed, a nurse came in to start doing what we assumed was a routine quick check. Instead, she delved into a fairly thorough check over Kathie and asking a lot of questions about her condition. Slowly, but surely, it was becoming clear, she didn't know why they had brought Kathie in. This was quickly confirmed by the doctor that came in, also asking many questions... "So the plueral effusion is the only complaint?" Bob explained his frustration that they didn't seem to know why Kathie was there. Bob and Eddie had made sure Kathie had some lidocaine over where her port is so that if they needed to draw blood or put in an IV, it wouldn't hurt so much... and they waited awhile before they connected the IV to her port - Kathie also expressed frustration.

An x-ray came by with no warning - Bob declined letting them do it because she had just had one on Thursday and they were going to use something like a sonogram to do her procedure on Monday. The x-ray seemed to be more about satisfying someone's curiosity. A little later, a new doctor was on, and another x-ray machine appeared. Bob got slightly more frustrated (steam was not yet being released from his ears) and told the technician and accompanying nurse that no one had yet explained why Kathie needed an x-ray. The new doctor finally came in and Bob once again had to explain why Kathie was in the hospital in the first place. 2-3 hours in the hospital and there was still confusion. Lauren and Bob couldn't believe it... they had been told to bring Kathie in to get her coagulation numbers in the right place (her blood was too thin to safely do the procedure to drain her lung) and no one seemed to even know she was having the procedure done on Monday - it didn't seem to appear on the schedule.

3 or so hours after checking in, Kathie finally had some Vitamin K going through an IV, plasma through IVs scheduled for the morning and someone working on making sure she was on the schedule to have the pleural effusion taken care of. Bob and Lauren were still trying not to rip out their hair as nurses came in trying to give Kathie various drugs and take unnecessary vitals. It took several hours, but Bob finally got some people to understand that the purpose of the visit was for palliative treatment and they had zero interest in doing unnecessary tests or medications. The reason they had her in the hospital was to give her a chance to get more comfortable, not to cause greater unrest! In Wake's defense, this is the first time they've had a complaint with service at all - overall, the experience with the staff and treatment has been first rate.

Lauren spent the night at Ben's folks' house and Bob stayed at the hospital to make sure no one else tried to give Kathie unnecessary drugs, but did give her the right ones. At one point, they had on the "schedule" to give her morphine by suppository - use your imagination to guess the response to that. No, it was nicer than that... but the thought went through Lauren and Bob's heads.

Kathie woke up several times - thank goodness for the guardrails on the bed, because she may have fallen out otherwise the way she flew up. Needless to say, Bob did not exactly get a good night's sleep. The first bag of plasma came at 5 AM... The second around 8 AM, then there had to be a blood test - which took longer to hear back from than we would have liked. It was after noon before we heard that she was ready to go and on the list to have the procedure done. It was almost 1 before she was finally taken downstairs to radiology to do the appx 45 procedure. An hour and 15 minutes after she was taken into the room, she came back to the room.

The nurses seemed very positive, saying Kathie did great, didn't need extra pain medication and had about a liter drained off. Again... little warning bells should have gone off considering the last time Kathie had her lung drained there was significantly less fluid in her lungs and they had drained a liter.... hmmm. Anyway, warning bells did not go off in their heads, and they were told the paperwork was all ready to go once the doctor gave the okay. The doctor came in about 15 minutes later and explained a different story.

Kathie can't seem to get a break. Something (they presume one of her tumors in the lung) was blocking fluid from being drained, and the lung had not re-expanded because it still had a lot of fluid surrounding it. Bob and Lauren were told she would have to stay overnight so they could see if more would drain off overnight (she is attached to a dry suction chest drain that is attached to the catheter- it uses gravity to allow more fluid to drain out). An x-ray will be done in the morning to see if enough fluid was drained off and if the lung reinflated. What the x-ray shows will determine what type of apparatus Kathie will get sent home with; she'll either leave with a catheter and pump like the family had originally been expecting, that they can drain off themselves after a brief lesson, or she will go home with something like what she is attached to now, that will continuously drain. There may be a third option, but it is escaping me at the moment. Of course, Bob and Lauren had already called the family saying it had been a success and they would be leaving soon - but after the doctor left, they had to redo all the phone calls and reexplain the situation (again, why we wait to post sometimes).

There was some concern from Bob and Lauren that they were going to keep her unnecessarily. Since it was for palliative care to begin with, neither of them saw the point in her staying day after day or having more procedures done that weren't going to make anything better for Kathie. After being assured that the x-ray was important to establish the next step for home care, they settled in for the night and ordered Kathie "dinner." (Yesterday she ate a cup of ice cream and some bites of pear... tonight she managed a few bits of the ice cream, a bite or two of tomato soup and a bite or so of applesauce). The x-ray is scheduled for 7:30 AM Tuesday morning. Explicit directions were given to leave Kathie alone during the night unless they were called for if she wants morphine. Lauren is sleeping with her for the night. Bob left a bit after 8 PM to sleep at Ben's parents' house and Lauren got ready to spend the night. At about 10, Kathie woke up for a bit - the first time she was really alert today. She watched a bit of Dancing with the Stars with Lauren and got her Ativan for the evening. She was only up for about 15 minutes. Shortly after going back to sleep though, she woke back up and when Lauren asked her what she needed, she said "Awake." Lauren asked her how she was supposed to keep her awake, afterall, they had all been trying to do that over the last week when Kathie was super sleepy. Kathie made some hand motions for Lauren to talk - she didn't need to be asked twice:) Lauren and Kathie watched a bit of the Bachelor as they "chatted" (Lauren talked, Kathie used hand squeezes, facial expressions and an occasional word to respond) She stayed awake for another 10 or 15 minutes. Lauren asked her if she should keep trying to keep her awake, or if she was ready to go back to bed - needless to say, she went back to sleep.

The nurses have warned that they will be popping their heads in often to check the drain, but shouldn't be bothering Kathie, so let's hope that is the case. Tomorrow will be another long day, no matter what time they leave the hospital.

Posted by Lauren

Delayed Update

Sorry for the delay in updates.

Not too much has changed from the "normal" routine mentioned previously. A few nights ago, she came out to watch Enchanted with us. The next night she came out to watch Dancing with the Stars and then directed some picture hanging. The NC house is slowly but surely becoming a home. After returning to bed, Christen, Lauren and Carole joined her to watch The Bachelor - ahh, guilty pleasures. We've also played a couple of hands of euchre with her, and Lauren was playing a game of rummy with her one day. Carole started her doing some stretches and made some notes so we could keep doing it after they left on Tuesday. Kathie's been pretty good about doing them - though sometimes she'll keep her eyes closed while she does them;)

Thursday, Kathie had a full day. EARLY in the morning, Bob, Kathie and Lauren made the trek to Wake Forest Baptist hospital for an x-ray and meeting with Dr. Aklilu. The x-ray did show more fluid and Kathie was scheduled to treat the pleural effusion (fancy name for fluid in space surrounding the lungs) - aka, she's having it drained and then a catheter will be left in so she or we can drain it when she's at home if she's having difficulty breathing. Since her right lung barely sounded like it had air going through it, we're hoping this will enormously relieve some of Kathie's breathing troubles - but there are no guarantees.

The meeting with Dr. Aklilu was what I suppose we all expected, but not what we hoped for. He maintained his earlier conversation with Kathie, that the cancer is taking over and standard treatment is off the table. (A night or two before the appointment, we had received a very unexpected call from Dr. Eng - her oncologist from MD Anderson, telling us about a clinical trial opening up - but she wasn't fully aware of the current situation). We asked about a couple of alternative treatments, and he said he supported trying alternatives during this time, since conventional chemo had failed her. He also reminded us that being in hospice care did not mean one was dying tomorrow. Dr. Aklilu did not estimate any time - but he also did not take back his statement that he made to the family at the hospital. Either way, the chat with him was good, and gave Kathie a chance to clear up things that she couldn't remember from the hospital. This is also where they chatted about the pleural effusion and the catheter and how it will hopefully help with her breathing to make her more comfortable.

To check on her blood coagulation, she had to have some blood work done. She had some done by hospice two days before the appointment, but the results hadn't reached Dr. Aklilu by the time of the appointment, so he was requesting his own tests. Kathie hadn't anticipated having more blood work, so she hadn't numbed her port so Dr. Aklilu's assistant, Suzanne, made an appointment at the Lexington clinic that is partners with them. Kathie had about a 2 hour break at the house before getting back in the car to go to the clinic and then Bob, Kathie and Lauren waited about a half hour before she was seen. Needless to say, at the end of the day, she was pooped.

The blood tests showed she need to come in early before her procedure to boost up her blood coagulation. Kathie will get checked in tomorrow (she seems to have something for needing things done during holidays... Memorial Day weekend - diagnosis, Christmas -hospital for sinus infection and now Easter) to give her something to increase blood coagulation and then the procedure will be done on Monday to remove the fluid.

The next step is for us to see where hospice stands on some of these alternatives. Since they are not recognized medically, we're hoping it will not fall under the effort to "prolong life" even though that's pretty much exactly what they are. During the last chat with Tammy, our hospice nurse, on the subject - she reminded us that this branch is also palliative care and that even if you leave hospice, you can change your mind the next day and re-enter it. The final call is up to Kathie in the end. She still seems to have a bit of fighting spirit - but it is about weighing the pros and cons and if doing any additional types of treatment will really add to a better quality of life.

There is also the issue that Kathie has started to develop a little bit of yellow in her eye - not usually a good sign. She has also started to "sleep talk" more - she won't wake up quite as often, and even when she does seem kind of awake, she'll say something that doesn't exactly make sense. That being said... an hour after saying some things that did not make sense to us... she completely woke up and wanted to go sit outside.

We got her in her geri chair and made up some margaritas:) Bob, Eddie, Christen, Ben and Lauren sat outside with her and sipped on margaritas while chatting (Lynette and the girls left in the morning for Eddie and Melissa's house because they had an early flight out Saturday morning). Mostly, we talked about how none of us would have gotten through school without her (or at least our projects would have gotten worse grades;) ) It was an absolutely gorgeous day overlooking the lake. She was outside at least an hour and was awake a good part of that.
This one is pretty cute, and shows she was awake and did smile;) The other one is Christen toasting with Kathie - she smiled at some point during this, but my camera is slow, and didn't catch it.

Before Lynette and the girls left, the girls got dressed up in a red polka dotted dresses that Kathie had gotten for them and took a picture with her and an old Shirley Temple doll who was also wearing a red polka dotted dress. It was pretty adorable too.






















Posted by Lauren

Catch up

The last few days are what has started to feel "normal." One person sleeps on an air mattress in Kathie's room to help out if she starts coughing or needs help getting out of bed to go to the bathroom, and someone sleeps on the couch in the family room as a second helper if needed. At about 7 or 8, someone else comes and relieves the sleep deprived;) Kathie has actually been sleeping through most of the night. She usually has to use the restroom once and occasionally asks for some pain or nausea medication. Sometimes a burp and a sip of a drink meet in her pipes and a coughing fit ensues for a bit. We bump her oxygen up to 3 until she can catch her breath, and the rest of the time it stays at about 2. Kathie keeps an ice pack on her front left abdomen most of the time, and now sometimes one on the bottom right of her back.

She still naps most of the day, but is very alert when she wakes up and everyone has been having good chats with her. We've even gotten her up in a chair a few times. Two nights ago, she came out and watched Snow White with Kaitlyn and Sophie. While she was out in the chair, we also watched the video Christen made for her 50th surprise birthday party. She's still drinking quite a bit of water, tea and milk, and occasionally is being indulged with Root Beer, Coke and Ginger Ale. Kathie has been trying different foods here and there, but Dr. Aklilu told us not to force anything on her... so we just offer what's around and leave it up to her. The other day, Bob made some prototype of the centerpieces Lauren wants for the wedding, and Kathie approved/made suggestions for how to improve upon them. She also came out this morning and directed where to hang some of the pictures (all of Lauren's suggestions for the dining room got vetoed - man, she's a tough sell!)

Cathy and Danny left on Friday and Kathie's sisters, Carole and Eileen got into town Saturday evening. Today, her brother, Billy, and sister-in-law, Maureen stopped in for a short visit as well. Ben and Lauren braved taking the four kids to go see Horton Hears a Who, so the visitors could enjoy some more personal time with Kathie. Carole is a physical therapist (or physical "terrorist" as commonly said;) - so she's going to go ahead and play that role here, trying to get Kathie to move around some more.

If you saw Kathie on Sunday, and saw her today - you would barely think you were looking at the same person. She has an appointment on Thursday with Dr. Aklilu to go back over the information and to see if the blood tests look the same, or if the prognosis is at least slightly better than originally thought (when looking at her at her worst on Sunday). The reality though, is that the cancer in her lungs had metastasized further in just a week, so it is unlikely the situation is completely different, but rather, that we may be blessed with a little more time with her than originally expected.

(By the way... it was mentioned that Kathie had "lost a few days" - she lost Friday through Monday... and maybe part of Tuesday. She only lost the memory of it, as far as we're concerned - she seemed to be aware during the time of what she was asking for - when she was in pain, she expressed it, she got up to go the bathroom, etc... the serious note was written on Wednesday when she was fully aware of what was going on).

In other news, we are being well-fed. Some of Eddie's work friends arranged a bunch of meals for us - and they are delicious! Melissa has also prepared a few wonderful ones, and Lynette and Lauren tested their skill at making Kathie's fresh cream of broccoli soup. Kathie seemed to approve of it. Christen and Lynette have made some more of the vegan dishes, finishing up the enormous amount of fresh veggies and fruit laying around. Today, Melissa brought over a gift from the Wielands (Purdue friends of Eddie and Melissa who helped house some of the family when Kathie was down at MD Anderson) - Chocolate covered strawberries and chocolate chip cookies. Everyone staked a claim quickly to one - and we put two aside for Kathie (she requested white chocolate with dark chocolate on it). She took a couple of bites this afternoon and said, "delicious." Kathie also got a package from some of her old friends with some beautiful CDs, some movies and nice poem.

We keep going... thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers.

Posted by Lauren

The Roller coaster

So, yesterday, Kathie asks Lauren to write a very serious note, as you read in the previous entry. But then, today, like yesterday, she was extremely lucid for long periods of time. Lauren spoke with her this morning for an hour and they realized that Kathie had lost a few days - she couldn't remember any of her time in the hospital. Lauren walked her back through what she knew, and Kathie understood that she is in hospice, but couldn't completely remember her conversation with Dr. Aklilu.

Kathie even made it to the breakfast table - thanks to the geri chair that was brought over last night. She had some tea, a pancake, a bit of eggs and sausage (did I mention we completely gave up the diet?) She took a nap afterwards, but then visited with the grandkids when they returned from Ed and Melissa's. Christen sat with her afterwards for awhile before she took another little nap. Though she's still having some pain in her side, it seems that a frozen wet towel in a Ziplock bag helps keep it under control. She did ask for some pain med this morning, and a tiny bit this evening - but we have learned not to ask her if she wants some... or we get "the look." The kids had all gone to the park with Eddie, Lynette and Chris, but when they returned, everyone went into "mom's room" so Grandma could watch Emily open her birthday presents.

The hospice nurse came today and after looking at Kathie, she recognized that she looks about 100x better than she did on Tuesday. The discoloration in her feet is mostly gone, there isn't a crackling sound in her lungs when she breathes, and she is clearly more alert. However, her right lung has very little air going into it it because of the fluid pressing on the outside lining. So the question on our minds today was whether this was a "rally" (a perk-up near the end, that we've read about - it can happen several times), or if she is not as bad as we thought on Sunday, when Dr. Aklilu gave us the news. Bob and Kathie expressed this to Tammy, our hospice nurse. Tammy said she would be happy to do a conference call with Dr. Aklilu and run some blood tests to see if maybe Kathie is doing a bit better than we thought, and also so Kathie can hear personally from Dr. Aklilu what the situation is (since she only partially remembers speaking with him). Only time will tell if this perk up is a recovery from being in the hospital, if it's a "rally" or if she's actually a bit better than we expected.

Tammy did suggest that we give it the weekend, to see if mom is going to have ups and downs, since it has only been 2 full days of ups and since we know that either way, the cancer has continued to spread.

Posted by Lauren

Take the bumpy road with laughs

This is a long entry (trying to catch up on two days and a message from Kathie at the end – so if you are in a hurry, skip down to after the asterisks)

All of the days seem to be blurring together, as we sometimes feel as if we are living for the moments where Kathie will be awake or want to chat. It’s nice to have just the immediate family and Kathie’s lifelong friend, Cathy (and her husband, Danny) here (though it’s still a large amount of people. We’ve been trying to rotate when mom wakes up, so people get to have some more personal moments with her.

We have a running joke that she only talks to people in white lab coats and the grandkids – she has been saving up her energy when she’s tired to only speak when she needs to (or wants to – like with the grandkids).

Tuesday, she had a couple times where she seemed pretty awake – which mostly means that her eyes were open and she would respond with short sentences. She got a “bath” from the hospice nurse, which helped her perk up in the afternoon. She had some milk and a ton of tea and water – a big improvement from Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

A hospice nurse came to chat with us about the basics of her care. She felt that there is a good chance Kathie will rapidly decline, but also said it wasn’t entirely fair to say that, because she said everyone always looks worse after coming out of the hospital. There’s not much we can do but wait and see… and more importantly, enjoy every moment we have.

We have been trying to keep going… and keep the house a little less busy occasionally, so people can get a little more one on one time. Monday, Lynette had joined Lauren for a florist appointment that Kathie had been planning on going to. Lauren, Lynette, Chris and Melissa took a break from the house and went to a cake place in Greensboro to cake test for Lauren’s wedding.

The girls came home with pretty large chunks of cake. Lauren put bite size portions of two of the flavors aside for Kathie to taste when she was up to it. Though Kathie hasn’t been saying much, she has been using quite a lot of facial expressions. When Lauren mentioned the cake to her, the corner of her mouth went up. She ended up trying a small taste of it.

Today, Kathie had several more awake moments, where she was saying more than a couple words at a time. She wanted to try to eat something – and her continued sassiness showed through. She was trying some bites of applesauce when she overheard Bob in the kitchen mention that there was cottage cheese. She had barely been talking at this point, and goes, “that’s what I want.” We switched gears quickly, only to have Kathie take the first bite and scrunch her face. Bob tried to give her another bite and she turned her head and said, “The curds are too small,” in a very Kathie tone. Bob tried to say that he had a bigger curd in the next spoonful (as in, one of those large curds that didn’t get broken up) – Kathie gave him the, “do you think I’m crazy” eye squint. (you had to be there). It was fairly hilarious. There are about 20 other “Kathie sass” stories – but the point is that we’ve been embracing these fun moments.

The local priest came by to do Anointing of the Sick – and I think she appreciated all the Mary prayers and Irish blessing (which Fr. Cook had also given). It was also nice because the whole family was here for it, unlike when Fr. Cook had visited. Kathie also joked with the priest.

Kathie was only up for about 10-15 minutes at a time and was then ready to lay back down. However, this evening she really perked up. She was having full conversations with the immediate fam – and she was absolutely hysterically funny. She kept cracking jokes with the kids (hers – the grandkids are having a sleepover with each other at Eddie and Melissa’s – with Melissa) and Bob. Cathy and Danny have been great about letting the family have those private moments with Kathie. Lauren had made some tapioca for Kathie – and she devoured it (much to Lauren’s excitement – as the last attempt at making tapioca had failed miserably!). At one point she snapped (with her fingers – not verbally) at Eddie to give her a sip of milk – he almost couldn’t do it because he was laughing so hard. Someone asked about her pain level and she goes, ‘You guys and this pain thing’ she also made comments about us asking her so many questions – to which we reminded her that we would ask less questions if she would answer them;) We know that she has been hearing us even when she hasn’t been responding. The good news with how alert and “talkative” that she was is that the family was able to clear up what helps her more and how to administer her medications to make her more comfortable – and more importantly, we just had a good time with her.

Kathie requested a little massage since she’s been laying in mostly the same position for days since she’s been so groggy and even when we try to move her, she ends back up in position A. The boys cleared out, and Lauren, Lynette, Chris and Cathy gave her a nice lotion massage. Kathie continued to crack jokes.

*****************************************************************************

A MESSAGE FROM KATHIE:

Preface: Bob had some good personal time with Kathie after this, and then Kathie asked to see Lauren. Below is something she transcribed to Lauren. It may be difficult to read, but please know that when she finished transcribing it, Lauren asked her if she was going to hang out with them tomorrow and Kathie responded, “For that tapioca? Oh yeah.”

Dear Family and Friends,

Thank you hardly seems adequate to express just how grateful I am for what your support and prayers have meant to me and my family during this difficult journey. At last count, we had three failed chemo treatments to keep the cancer in check. We then decided to look at less conventional treatments while we studied clinical trial options. During the meantime, I was relying on the power of prayer and God’s mercy in working miracles.

Mother Theresa has been a little slow in showing any sign of encouragement that I’ll be healed, so I had broadened my base. I’d called on Mary and St. Jude to carry my petition to my heavenly Father. After all, Jesus always listened to his mother and St. Jude is the patron saint of the impossible. Right now any good prognosis for me is pretty impossible.

Unfortunately, it appears that miracles for which I prayed for, God has foreseen to deny. However, I’ve come to realize over the times of trials there are those that have been more deserving than myself – like the child I met needing a liver transplant, or when I’d pass moms carrying babies at the hospital when I’d go for treatment. Even Ed and Melissa know a family with an 8 year old daughter going for a bone marrow transplant. Then behind them, a five year old just had surgery for a brain tumor. My friend, Jeannie, didn’t get to experience having a child graduate college, or get married, or enjoy grandchildren. In the grand scheme of things, I’ve been truly blessed.

All and all, He’s given me the time to pray for others hoping that those prayers will now be passed onto them [those who need to be prayed for]. For my loving husband, may he experience the power of a healing hand and consolation. And may my devoted family, may they be touched with the peace and serenity of knowing how much I loved them.

It is unbelievable to realize just how many people have come into my life and the impact they have had on me. I wish I could thank each and everyone individually, and being the procrastinator that I am, I now know that is not possible. I guess I was hoping for a Hail Mary [classic Kathie pun], but I now know that is not possible, unless Mother Teresa pitches one in. God bless each and every one for making this journey with me.

May He always hold you in the palm of His hand as He has held me.

~ Kathie

Posted by Lauren

A bit more lucid

At about 10 last night, only Bob, Lauren and Eddie remained at the hospital. Though Kathie wouldn't keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time, she seemed to be taking everything in, and her sense of humor remained. When we were teasing her about the fact we kept bugging her to wake up, Eddie made a comment to Kathie about punching Bob - she bobbed her head one way and then to the next... very Kathie... very funny.

Eddie turned in, heading to Lexington, and Bob stayed with Lauren a bit longer. Unfortunately for Eddie, Kathie woke up for a bit about 20 minutes after he left. She communicated with a few words here and there with them - and both Bob and Lauren had a chance to tell her they loved her while they were sure she could hear. Kathie made a few comments about hearing everyone all day in the hospital room - and let me tell you, there were a gaggle of us (part of the downside - or maybe the positive - to having 4 kids and a planet full of friends!). Bob left a little after 10:30 when Kathie had gone back to sleep - after some nausea and pain meds.

Lauren stayed overnight at the hospital. Ben drove in from Atlanta yesterday and stayed at the hospital with Lauren until after midnight. At 1:20 AM, Kathie started to try to pull herself up. Lauren asked her where she was trying to go and thought she heard that she "needed to get to the party" - but "party" actually translated to "potty." We were all thrilled that Kathie has gotten up to use the bathroom a couple times - meaning her kidneys haven't completely given up yet, and that it was good to see her up, even if she needed lots of assistance. She asked for a little more pain meds then, and again at 6:30 when she woke up and tried to sit up again.

We have been using increments of low doses of pain meds so that she has the opportunity to be a bit more lucid. It seemed to work, because she was awake this morning and said a few things here and there. The swallow test went well - Kathie drank almost a full thing of milk and ate some graham crackers and applesauce.

Ben went to the house in Lexington to hang out with Kait and Sophie so Christen and Glenda could come visit at the hospital. Lynette went with Lauren to the florist.

The gist of the rest of the day, is that Kathie was mostly out of it still - though occasionally said a few words, and she nods in response to most direct questions. Eddie has become the best at translating these nods, and she seems to respond the most when he asks her a serious question, or asks her to wake up for a bit. She has told all the kids that she loves them, though sometimes through a hand squeeze rather than words.

We have been regularly checking up on her pain levels since our number one goal is to keep that low.

A social worker came in to discuss hospice. I missed the first conversation, but they got their "choice" of hospice (one had an in-patient clinic available if necessary, the other one you'd have to check into a hospital... the Lexington hospital - Bob picked the first one). The hospice people were, as usual, wonderful. The program they have is incredible - and the people who are involved are just about the warmest people you'll ever meet, though the hospital staff at Wake has been pretty great too.

Kathie was moved back to the house by ambulance at about 6:40. She got to enjoy being in her own bed until about 10 when her hospital bed, oxygen, and table were set up by the hospice staff in the sunroom. While she was in her room, the kids and guests (her best friend from 6th grade, Cathy, her husband, Danny and another long-time family friend, Glenda) rotated through. Glenda and Lauren shared stories, trying to remind Kathie of some great times.

Needless to say, it has been an emotional day. The diet for everyone has gone to hell, as we decided pizza was definitely easier during this transition time (when at one point we had the electrical guy and the pest guy here at the same time, followed shortly later by Kathie getting here, followed shortly after by the hospice supply delivery). The house is pretty full. Eddie is sleeping on an air mattress next to Kathie for this evening - making sure the oxygen stays on and if she needs to go to the bathroom, someone is ready to help.

She is still able to swallow some pills (while we're waiting for some liquid ones to become available within the next couple of days or so).

Thanks for the notes and the prayers!

Posted by Lauren

The beginning of the End

There is not a whole lot of spicing up to this...

First off, we love all of you. Kathie's friends spread far and near, and it is impossible during this time to personally contact all of you that mean so much to her - please know that all of you are in our hearts as is this is being written.

As Lauren was driving through apparently the worst storm in Columbus in 98 years and getting out on the only airline that was flying out of Columbus still (God wanted to get her to NC), Bob was taking Kathie to the Lexington hospital, for what he and Kathie figured was more IVs of fluid. The gagging/throwing up motion had started back up with great frequency. Blood tests in Lexington revealed some serious chaos (red blood low, white sky rocketing, potassium sky rocketing) and the doctors suggested she head to Winston-Salem for oncology care. Bob and Kathie had experienced the best Lexington had to offer - people in cuffs for DUIs in the middle of the day and other wide assortment of the rural south.

Kathie began to decline very quickly. Last night, when Lauren finally got in, she was up watching Law and Order: SVU (one of our favorites). Lauren chatted with her about her thesis a bit, and she was getting up to go to the bathroom with the help of Bob and Lauren. She was pretty sleepy from pain meds and was mostly out of it. Bob spent the night in the hospital and Lauren at her fiance's parents' house.

Lauren was back at the hospital at 8:30 AM waiting with Bob for Dr. Aklilu to come around. Lynette and Chris and Kathie and Bob's friend, Glenda, were waiting at the house to see if Kathie was going to get to go home this morning. Dr. Aklilu came in with his "team" at about 10 AM and asked Bob and Lauren to join them in the conference room.

Dr. Aklilu said that from seeing Kathie, he felt that she was beginning the dying process. Bob asked him about the diet issues for now and about how to talk to Hospice. It was decided that Kathie would definitely want to be home for her remaining time. When asked about time... Dr. Aklilu said that we were talking days to weeks. They all returned to the room and Dr. Aklilu spoke with Kathie about the situation. Tomorrow, a social worker will come to discuss Hospice care and some doctors will come to do a swallow test to make better food and drink suggestions.

Since Kathie's meds are a bit much right now, and everyone, including Kathie would like this time spent a bit more lucid, Dr. Aklilu's team is working on a pain plan so she can have options for low, medium and high levels of pain, so that she can hopefully be more awake in the future.

Lauren called Fr. Cook, who will be one of the priests marrying Lauren and Ben, and he came over to do an Annointing of the Sick and to chat for a bit. Kathie was lucid for at least part of the time he was here. Her pain meds have kept her mostly asleep today.

When the nurse came in to do vitals, Kathie's oxygen level was a little low, so Kathie now has a bit of oxygen flow going.

She's been in a bit of pain in her abdomen, her kidneys aren't doing quite what they need to, and she's still gagging occasionally.

Soon after the oxygen was put on, Eddie, Melissa, Lynette, Christen the kids and Liz (Ben's younger sister) came to the hospital. We found a foosball table and a playhouse to keep them entertained.

Clearly, the diet is off - Bob and Lauren tried to give her some cottage cheese and applesauce today, but she barely got any in. Dr. Aklilu said that food now is mostly feeding the cancer, so we're not forcing anything she doesn't want, but will try to continue to encourage liquids (limiting caffeine and sugar still though).

The family is trying to spend as much time with her as possible. This is a personal time for us, and though we will try to keep you all involved through the blog, we would prefer if you have comments or questions you communicate through the blog or our e-mails. We don't want to spend our limited time on the phone.

Thank you for all of your prayers and continued thoughts.

Posted by Lauren

Got the book

We have Sick and Tired in the mail from a reader, so please don't order one and send it to us too - we can probably share, Kathie taught us well;)

On another note... some of the tests Kathie had done on Monday revealed further metastasis on her lungs, and a bit more fluid (did I say that in the last blog?). It did not specify how much more it had grown.

Kathie's throwing up has turned into something more along the lines of dry heaves which no one understands because she does have food and liquid in her stomach. Kathie said she literally feels like she is throwing up air. (sorry - a little graphic, but no real way to put sunshine around that one).

Lauren joins the chaos in NC on Saturday. Kathie is looking forward to a floral visit with her before her appointment on Monday, though I don't think she is thrilled about being left out of the cake tasting on Tuesday.

Posted by Lauren

A bit better

After a few pretty bad days, Kathie is doing a bit better today (though still spending most of the day in bed). Yesterday she got up and took a shower. Christen and Lynette are still trying to forge ahead with the diet - but Kathie is STUBBORN (despite requesting it in the first place), so it has not been going perfectly - but it's hard when she has been feeling so terrible.

Lauren flies in on Saturday and will add to the diet nazis;)

The doctor's office said that there is more fluid between the lining of the lung and the lung, so it was difficult to see if there was any additional infection (pneumonia), but they feel the antibiotic is the best route to continue with. (sorry for ending with a preposition).

Pain meds got boosted from 50 to 75.

Some alternative "medication" has been ordered to try (I can't tell you what it's called - it got lost in the conversation... but maybe while I'm there, I'll remember to update that).

Hopefully Kathie will be up for Emily's birthday celebration and for florist shopping with Lauren next week. Cake testing is off-limits for her, so Chris and Lynette may get "dragged" into it.




Posted by Lauren

A downhill kind of day

Well, the last few days have been bad days - the kind I mentioned where Kathie mostly stays in bed and is pretty nauseous. Today, she couldn't get out of bed on her own, and she was too weak to even take a shower. She felt nauseous right away and spent part of the morning throwing up. Bob took her in to see Dr. Aklilu (I think they may have had an appointment scheduled today anyway) and got some IVs in her - she was very dehydrated. Blood tests showed elevated white blood cells - so she definitely has some sort of infection or virus and the z-pak wasn't cutting it, so they gave her stronger antibiotics. They also ran some x-rays as a precaution to make sure she doesn't have pneumonia or anything like that (we won't know those results until tomorrow, I believe). She did not have to stay in the hospital. After the tests and the IV, Bob took her back to the house.

The Dr.'s office will call if she needs to go back in, or they'll go back if the antibiotics don't seem to be turning things around... but besides that, she'll have a check-up next week.

A little bit of a bummer.

Posted by Lauren

One appointment down, one canceled

When last we updated... Kathie had appointments at Duke and with one Dr. Buttar (homeopathic doc) set up. (sorry, not as fancy as the NBC 2 minute recaps, but it's all I've got).

The appointment with both Duke and the homeopathic doc got moved up. Kathie and Bob went to Duke to discuss clinical trials. As of now, it doesn't look like anything will open up for 3-4 weeks and at the moment, Kathie is not eligible because she's a big sluggish - but they hope to remedy that. Their opinion was that she was getting nauseous more often because her liver was inflamed - so they prescribed a strong anti-inflammatory to help reduce that. Kathie (aka Dr. DuCharme) had failed to mention she was spitting up some green (mucus) - hey, you wanted the details - and so they also put her on a Z-pak since she may have some minor infection. They also suggested to reduce her nausea to get her moving more quickly in the morning - getting something in her stomach early on and then having more snacks throughout the day. She also needs to be getting up more - so Bob and the rest of the fam have been working on keeping her up more and getting her to move around. Yesterday she had such a good day that she collected pine cones with the twins, unpacked some boxes with her sisters and went for a walk! The few days before that though, were not so good - nausea, tired, a little bit of a slug;) Hopefully, she's in for some more good days.

She'll go back in two weeks for a check up to see if she's on the right path to be a candidate and to see if one of the trials has opened up.

So what about our dear Dr. Buttar - the homeopathic guy? Well, something smelled rather fishy when Bob got letters about high payments (before even going) and Eddie found a blog informing us he was currently being sued for various issues surrounding his practice. Needless to say, the appointment has been canceled. We're looking into other homeopaths around the area, but it's hard to wipe that bad taste out of your mouth.

As for diet - Seinfeld had the soup nazi.... we have Christen, the veggie nazi - only, instead of not getting any, you don't get much else:) Seriously, Chris has been doing an amazing job of transforming Kathie's diet to fruits and veggies (she's following some diet plan I believe - I'll better update that when I'm in NC in a week), and the guests have also been enjoying her gourmet cooking. Eileen, Kathie's sister, was raving about the "ice cream" that was entirely fruit (no dairy or wheat on Kathie's diet, I believe).

** Again, friendly reminder to incoming guests: please defer to Christen on the diet plan. Though I'm sure a cooking break would be appreciated - it only is if it sticks with the plan. These kinds of diets are STRICT and it's like putting water into gasoline if something she's not supposed to have gets sneaked in (that's a word?! snuck isn't according to spell check). Your pot roast may be the best on this side of the Mississippi, but it has no place in a vegan diet;)

That being said, with all those fruits and veggies - I'm sure help with washing, chopping and grocery shopping would be greatly appreciated.

On another note, I did not mean to make it sound like we are closing ourselves off from more alternatives, trials, etc information if you have some. Eddie has searched clinicaltrials.gov for NC, TX and he found some in the Netherlands. If you find a clinical trial in your state that you think we should absolutely check out - please e-mail one of us the links to look into it. Also, we're open to the world, so if something looks that amazing (i.e. worth spending $1000s in plane tickets), let us know. We're currently not interested in anything that includes Camptosar, Avastin, Oxaliplatin - as these are drugs which have had no effect on Kathie and seem futile to keep returning to.

There is one book we are looking for - and if somebody already has it and would lend it to us... Sick and Tired... Reclaim Your Inner Terrain by Robert O. Young. I believe the diet we are trying to follow is in there - and we have a website summary, but clearly, the book would be more helpful.

P.S. If you are going to NC, Skybus has uber cheap tickets into GSO (Greensboro, the closest airport to the house) from Columbus, OH and I think Gary, IN (if you trust leaving your car there). I'm trying them for the first time next week... I'll let you know how it goes. I'm sure it gets to GSO from more airports, I'm just not sure which ones.

Posted by Lauren

Built trust?

Dear Readers,
I have heard bits and pieces from my advising council that some of our audience feels they can't trust the blog. While I admit to typing vaguely at times, I am not avoiding truths. As the youngest, I know how it feels to have incomplete information - but as I have grown up, I have also learned that there are reasons behind that (most of the time). Reasons some specifics have been avoided:

1). The information changes... we have no desire to have 30 people calling Kathie at the same time because she had a a fever of 103 which turns out to be from a cold... we may think she's neutropenic, but we don't want to present that to who knows how many people until we know if that is the actual information.

2). Too many cooks in the kitchen. We have/continually appreciate all of your thoughts, prayers and support... but we are at the point where we have collected A LOT of information (thanks to the help of many of you) and it is now up to Kathie and the immediate family to sift through this, and for Kathie to make the decision for herself about what she wants to do for the next step in this process. Until this decision is made, there is not a lot to say. If you really want to read an entry about the 10 different diets/alternative medicines and 15 clinical trials we are investigating, that can probably be arranged. (*These numbers are not accurate... just trying to make the point that there is a lot of info being passed via e-mail by our family and I am really hoping you do not ask for a post like that - it is tedious to sift through all of that!). Either way, please rest assure that we have looked into all sorts of alternative routes and clinicals being done around the world.

3). Positive attitude. The reality of the situation is hopefully clear to most of you - it's not sunshine and rainbows - Kathie made this clear in phone calls and letters. I did not feel it was necessary to repeat Dr. Eng's time estimate (made at her December appointment), especially since Dr. Aklilu has a much more positive approach - pointing out that none of us are God and we do not know when any of our time is up until He decides it.

I have tried to post links (more so at the beginning) for you to look into things further if you would like. Kathie could not/can not have liver resection, this was clear several months ago - and it reduces treatment options and life extension.

There is definitely those who believe that if you have a mental timeline, your body will start to follow that physically - so the more positive we can be (without being fake), the better.

4). Absorption time. Sometimes we hear some news, and we don't want to share it immediately, until we have time to absorb it, or until we have time to think about plan (what are we on? G? L?) or maybe just because we want some personal family time. The reason that the date of her check-up appointment was not posted was to avoid getting phone calls that evening to see how it went. I ended up posting on that day because Kathie had already told several people the date as had Lynette (to focus some prayer efforts)... but it was not easy to post that day, and again, it was difficult to decide how specific to be because nothing had been decided. Below is a clip from that post... brackets indicated further explanation:

What does that mean? Well, the cancer has grown and spread. There is some indication that it has spread outside of the liver now. [This was poor wordage - the cancer has spread outside the liver... it is in the cavity that holds the organs (there is some special name for that)... some indicative spots on the lung that were not there before, and some liquid in the lungs that they think is probably cancerous. (You may remember that she had fluid in there before - that was not cancerous, it was a side effect of the cancer most likely... this new fluid has a chance of not being cancer, but that will not be known until it has to be drained). However, despite the poor wordage of this - the extent of the spreading at the end of the day only mildly matters - the fact that the treatment was not working in general means that it is not good]

Bob, Kathie, Lynette, and Lauren talked with Dr. Aklilu about the next steps. A nurse representative for the clinical trial that is currently going on at Wake came in to chat with us while Dr. Aklilu set up an appointment for us at Duke to discuss their clinical trials there, and he also contacted Dr. Eng to see what's going on at MD Anderson. So that's where we are [Slight update: after discussing clinicals with MD Anderson, it was decided just to focus on those going on at Duke and Wake. The ones at MD Anderson are mostly new combinations of drugs Kathie has already tried... and it is a terrible inconvenience to have to do clinical trials that far away. Those at Duke and Wake are totally new. She has an appointment for Duke (this week) and a homeopathic doctor (mid March) coming up. Bob and her will be meeting with Dr. Aklilu next week to review what their options are to hopefully make some decisions about whether she will/what she will be pursuing. Christen has been looking into several cancer diet plans and alternative meds and bought out the cookbook section of the bookstore - though in Lexington, I'm not sure how big this section is;) j/k - she bought many books online and I have mailed her a couple of my books on raw foods. If you are eating with Kathie, please do not sneak her food - once they decide on which diet plan to follow, it will have to be strictly followed to make it worthwhile at all. ]

5). Game of telephone. I am in Muncie, Indiana - mom is in North Carolina. Bob e-mails/calls me, and I talk to Kathie on a regular basis, but there is a lot of technical stuff that gets lost in my brain that is also trying to balance my thesis project and school in general. I am doing the blogging because it's what I can contribute from far away, but I guess it has also created somewhat of a disadvantage for some of you because you may feel like some things are being left out. I apologize for that and will try to be a bit less vague.

6). Small changes. Kathie has cancer and takes vitamins, alternative meds (astragulus, CQ10... though I think she has stopped astragulus and we're trying other stuff), and pain meds.... she has good days and she has bad days. I am not going to post every time she sneezes (not to mention I don't know every time she sneezes). As a general rule... during the time that I am not posting, she will have a few off days which may include needing more pain meds, taking extra naps and occasionally vomiting. Good days are still slow moving, but she'll get out of the house, unpack the moving boxes, play sudoku and bridge in the paper, and talk on the phone - and if the grandkids are around, she plays with them. She has a constant stream of visitors. Janet (Bob's sister) just left, as did Kathie's brother and sister-in-law (Bill and Maureen), as did Bob's brother, Richard. Kathie's sisters, Eileen and Carole are there for a visit now.

Nothing has been decided about the next treatment step, so there is not much to say - the research and professional opinion collecting continues.


Again, I apologize if any of you have felt excluded. I suppose a general rule would be to assume it is probably slightly worse than I am typing because I am trying to keep everyone a little more upbeat - I am not lying, but I am maybe saying it in a more positive tone. Of course, if you call Kathie you are going to get more details... I can only write so much. On that note, please do not constantly call Kathie, thinking you are missing out, phone calls are nice, but too many/too long can also be very tiring and take away time with guests and family.

Thank you again for being a part of all of this with us. You are all very important to us, and we can't thank you enough for your support.

Love,
Lauren

when math doesn't work

Apparently, when it comes to pain patches, 25 + 25 does NOT equal 50... so there mathematicians! As we mentioned, Kathie's pain patch was upped this past week, to double (or 50)... or so we thought. Since Kathie still had some of the 25 patches, she decided to try to put two of those on (since the 50 micro something or another is a HUGE patch and the 25 is less than half its size)... turns out this is not a good solution. She overdosed a bit on the pain meds, got dizzy and nauseous, at which point they felt they had nothing to lose by removing those two and putting on the one ginomo (*yes, another one of Lauren's made-up words) patch. Just to double check though, Eddie made a call to Dr. Aklilu's nurse practitioner and found out that the two small patches did not equal the one larger one. Again, when we figure out why the math doesn't work here, we'll let you know. Pythagoras is rolling in his grave though, I assure you.

As for other "exciting" news... Lynette and her girls, Chris and Mom have been staying with Ed and Melissa for a few days while the last coat on the wood floors is airing out. Sophie and Kait were excited to rejoin their cousins (who they were sad to see go last Sunday). Emily is like a little mother-hen for them and it is adorable. Leigh (one of Kathie's friends), her son, Scott, and his girlfriend, Katie have come and gone within a few days last week. They were a great help at the house while they were there.

Alec has a bball game tomorrow morning, so Kathie hit the hay early this evening so she is ready to cheer tomorrow.

Posted by Lauren

Not our mantra

So, you can keep that "3rd try's a charm" mantra for learning to ride a bike, in-line skating or perhaps even baking bread... but it apparently has no place in a cancer center - at least not for Kathie. Looks like 20% is even too big of a percentage for her to try to squeak in, so we're going to go for something even more out there - clinical trials. Kathie wants to really make sure that someone gets credit for a miracle.

Kathie has an Erbitux rash that appeared this past week on her face and has been experiencing pain despite the pain patch. At her appointment with Dr. Aklilu today, he suggested upping the dosage on the pain patch and we talked about her poop some more - no meeting is complete without it!

So if you haven't caught on... Kathie had her 2 month scans today to see if the "new" Camptosar and Erbitux treatment were working.

Unfortunately, when Dr. Aklilu got to the part where we discussed what the scans showed in relationship to how her chemo is going - he also started his sentence with "unfortunately..."

What does that mean? Well, the cancer has grown and spread. There is some indication that it has spread outside of the liver now.

Lynette and Lauren sat in on the appointment while "Uncle Ben" and Aunt Christen watched the Care Bears with Soph and Kait who seemed to really be enjoying the endless supply of apple juice.

Bob, Kathie, Lynette, and Lauren talked with Dr. Aklilu about the next steps. A nurse representative for the clinical trial that is currently going on at Wake came in to chat with us while Dr. Aklilu set up an appointment for us at Duke to discuss their clinical trials there, and he also contacted Dr. Eng to see what's going on at MD Anderson. So that's where we are.

Kathie seemed to be pretty positive throughout the conversation and asked a lot of questions and when we met back up with the rest of the gang, even let Soph and Kait talk her into tickling Aunt Christen for them.

We gave her the scrapbook yesterday as her Valentine's Day gift - and she loved it. The kids all loved looking at it with her and seeing grandma when she was younger. All four of the grandkids made pages as well - which was pretty freaking cute. When Kathie puts on her glasses, I'm sure she'll appreciate the scrapbook even more;) Thanks for helping Lauren get that together. Again, if you weren't able to send something in, but still wanted to, go ahead and send it still - it will get in there.

The house in Lexington got all the beds set up yesterday (thanks to the whole clan being there plus Ben and his dad, Mike). Melissa brought a rocking lunch - man, if you've had her cheesy potatoes, you would know what I mean... and Betsy (Ben's mom) added some sides for dinner... green bean casserole, baked beans and her famous chocolate chip cookies.

There was working water and electricity... a permanent C.O. is supposedly happening within the next day or so.

Keep the prayers coming as we head into yet another decision process.

Posted by Lauren

A Bit Behind

Sorry this is being put up a bit late. Kathie had treatment on Monday and also her bi-monthly meeting with Dr. Aklilu (is it bi-monthly or bi-weekly... she meets with him every other week would be the point).

Dr. Aklilu feels that her fatigue and pain could be from either the cancer growing OR from the cancer responding to the chemo - nice political answer, and probably just what Kathie needed to hear as she occasionally has been slipping into the pessimistic side of things.

He also felt that she has been living with an amount of pain that has demonstrateably (yep, made up word - so says spell check ) been affecting her quality of life (she's been too tired to do much and her appetite has dipped pretty low). To remedy this situation, he has asked her to wear a pain patch on a regular basis. Initially after putting it on, she felt great... and then all the drugs in her system caught up with her and Wednesday morning she spent throwing up and feeling loopy. Things have balanced back out, and she seems to be benefiting greatly from this new addition to "treatment."

Dr. Aklilu has also asked her to take pepcid regularly to control some heartburn issues. She's been getting a dry scalp due to the Erbitux and he suggested something like Selsun Blue or similar to help that - oh, if only every solution came in a $2.99 blue bottle!

On another note, due to the lowering appetite, Kathie continues to stay at a lower weight than ideal and we've been trying to think of brilliant and healthy ways to add some calories. If anyone has some high calorie suggestions that do not include sugar or artificial sugar, shoot Lauren an e-mail: laducharme@bsu.edu

Last, SCRAPBOOK - Lauren is hitching a ride from Bob on the 9th down to NC... the book is going down with her to give as an early Valentine's Day present. If you are planning on your page being in there when she gets it, please get it in the mail by Monday so Lauren can get it together. Also, please make sure your name(s) is/are on it somewhere:) The stories and letters have been great (not that I'm reading them;) ) - if you want to write a longer letter than will fit on the page, there is no shame in attaching an envelop to the sheet - the top of the scrapbook pages are open, so it can easily be slipped out for viewing.

Don't forget to mail everything to Lauren's school address - e-mail the above address if you need the apartment address.

Thanks to those who have already sent the pages, I think she'll be very touched by your pages... and thank you to those who almost have it ready to pop in the mail (right???)..... and thank you to those who at least are reading the blog and praying for her:) All of you are amazing and your concern for Kathie and the family is deeply touching to all of us.

oooh... speaking of family, in a little over a week, the DuCharme family will be reunited for the second time in a year!!! (unprecedented since Christen headed to the sunny island life) - Christen is on the mainland as of today and back with Bob and Kathie next week. Lynette will be making a visit to NC around the same time as Lauren (though is lucky enough to stay for a couple of weeks... ) I believe the children were somehow tricked into helping unpack and set up the Lexington house - oh, I think it was with gentle reminders of how Bob and Kathie had paid for colleges, credit card bills while in college, put food on the table, made sure no one fell into the Grand Canyon, etc. :) Parent card, works every time!

Posted by Lauren

A little off

Lauren and Kathie enjoyed a nice weekend together. Kathie picked Lauren up from the airport on Saturday and went almost straight to a bridal shop appointment at a schmancy place. Surprisingly, they did not decide to buy the $5,000 dress;) They had a short appointment so they could make it to Alec's basketball game (which was pretty great for 7 and 8 year olds!). Alec's team won by 4 points.

Saturday continued to be busy - after a VERY quick bite to eat, Kathie and Lauren headed to the tile shop to finalize some things for the Lexington house. After that they went to David's Bridal - neither of them thought this was ideal, and the service was chaotic and pressured as they expected... however, Lauren found "the dress." Not wanting to make a compulsive buy, they made an appointment for Sunday and returned with the entourage (Melissa, Emily, Bob and Ben's sister, Liz). They bought the dress on Sunday.

Not surprisingly, Kathie was a bit pooped after a day of running around, but her spirits were good. Sunday, after they bought the dress, Lauren left for Winston-Salem to see Ben and his family, and Bob and Kathie joined them later that evening.

Kathie and Lauren looked at the church Monday afternoon before heading to go look at reception places. Again, by the time Lauren and Kathie made it back to Apex, Kathie was a bit tired, but after a quick nap and dinner was ready to hit the movies with Lauren. They went and saw 27 Dresses (definitely a chick flick, but cute). Since Bob had left for home, Lauren slept in Kathie's room and they got up early to head to the airport on Tuesday.

Lauren flew out Tuesday, and Kathie made the second trip this week to Winston with Eddie to go get her Erbitux treatment. The benedryl knocked Kathie out shortly after they started. Wednesday she woke up feeling a bit off and ended up taking an hour and half nap in the afternoon.

Lately, she's been having a few more aches and pains (shoulder, back, a bit of nausea, some shortness of breath occasionally and a rapid heart beat once in awhile). Overall though, she says she hasn't been feeling too bad - the fatigue is still what is slowing her down. The next month will probably add to that, as the house is finalized in Lexington. There are hopes to sleep in the new house before mid-February (keep your fingers crossed!). Since they will need some things in the new house, Lauren is meeting Bob and Kathie in Lafayette in a couple of weeks to pack up some of the house. Christen will be coming the next week to help continue the process.

Kathie is starting to lose her hair again, but it is not obvious yet on her head - it's still pretty full.

Posted by Lauren